You Uncultured Swine

I've been invited to an intervention but have yet to accept or decline. I have no idea what to bring if I go. I'm not very creative in the kitchen so maybe I can get away with just bringing some chips and dip. Mmmmmm.

Give Me Five

I had one of these when I was little. My dad or mom bought it and I was just tickled pink by it. The contraption was made of metal and the plastic skeleton hand would come out from under a black "blanket" and take the coin. Then the head would lean up as if it were looking for another coin. I wish I still had it.

Pocket Change

Chances are I will never make it into outer space unless aliens abduct me. Therefore I probably won't be able to experience weightlessness. But physicist Dr. Stephen Hawking will soon be able to experience zero gravity through a private company called Zero G. For a mere $3,500 you too can experience zero gravity for about seven minutes, receive a flight suit, complimentary merchandise, photos, and a DVD of the flight. Sounds like a bargain to me. Oh, Dr. Hawking's fee is being waived but something tells me he could afford it a hundred times over. If I hit the Lotto this weekend I'll charter a flight for me and my closest friends. Don't worry, according to the FAQ you're life insurance is valid for this flight.

Why Would Someone Steal Woody?

I was reading something or watching the news when I heard about a student being arrested for making terroristic threats. And it made me realize that I've heard this scenario many times over the past few years. When I was growing up, it wasn't uncommon to hear such things as "I am gonna get you good" or "You're gonna be so sorry" or "Get ready to eat a knuckle sandwich," especially out on the playground. I even knew someone who would say "You're gonna die after class." I sometimes said, although jokingly, "I hope you die in your sleep" but I guess that's really not a threat but more wishful thinking. I personally don't think a first grader understands he's making a threat or doing anything wrong when he says that but hey, that's my opinion.

Some exciting news about European astronomers finding the "most Earth-like planet outside of our solar system." It is only 120 trillion miles away and circles a red dwarf star. The researchers believe that the planet's "average temperature to be somewhere between 32 and 104 degrees and that set off celebrations among astronomers." Read the entire fascinating article here.

And hooray for Roger Ebert, who will be "returning to public view for the first time since having cancer surgery," at the ninth annual Overlooked Film Festival at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Read about it here.

Another Day

Let's see, now. There's just so much stuff I don't know where to begin. Jack's Audrey is a little crazy, I think. I miss watching Heroes and Hiro. It seems the military has told some untruths about Tillman and Lynch. Some of The Simpsons Movie trailers can be viewed here. Looks like American Idol reject Sanjaya is going to be bigger than William Hung and even thanks Simon. What the hell is a four year old doing playing unsupervised on the sidelines of a college football game? Toyota overtakes GM in global vehicle sales. You can listen to Ozzy's new single "I Don't Wanna Stop" from his upcoming album new album here. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

This Will Work

Ok, I've got this great idea to extend the life-cycle of American Idol. Let's introduce a giant gong behind the three judges. During the earlier (more than ten contestants) shows each of the judges can use the gong without limits to end a performance that they think is bad. But once there are only ten contestants or less, each judge can only use the gong once per show to cut short a performance and that judge would not be able to use the gong on the next show. This would prevent Simon from using the gong every week and cause him to only use it for an exceptionally horrendous performance. The phone voting would still take place and contestants that were "gonged" can still receive votes but 25% of their vote is deducted as a penalty. I think it would be great to see Simon dancing behind the table holding that thing to hit the gong with and teasing the performer before pounding on the gong and all the while Paula fighting to prevent him from doing it. I'm laughing just thinking about it. :-)

You're Not Fat, Just Husky

Hey, do they still make boy's clothing in the Husky size? They probably do but I just don't look in those areas since I have two girls. Which leads me to another thought. Why don't they or didn't they have a Husky size for girls. Or would that be the equivalent of a Plus size? But do they have plus sizes for young girls? These questions will burn in my mind and keep me awake tonight.

And In Other Monkey Business...

ANTWERP, Belgium - We all know not to feed the animals when visiting the zoo. Now the Antwerp Zoo has urged visitors to, please, stop staring at the chimpanzees. New rules have been posted outside the chimp enclosure at the city zoo urging visitors not to form a bond with a particular male chimp named ’Cheetah.’ He was raised by humans but is now bonding with the seven other apes at the park, a zoo official said Wednesday.

"We ask, we inform our daily visitors and other visitors that one of the monkeys is particularly open for human contact," zoo spokeswoman Ilse Segers told AP Television News. "He was raised by humans in a family and therefore we are trying to integrate him, to try to get more social integration with the group."

She said Cheetah’s continued interaction with humans was "delaying the social integration of the animal in the group," and isolating the ape from the others. A sign posted on the glass enclosure asks onlookers not to stare at the apes. "Look away when an animal seeks to make contact with you, or take a step back," it says. "Some
individuals are more interested with visitors than their own kind."

Read the entire story here.

The Truth Hurts

Natural Selection Did What?!?

According to research at the University of Michigan "chimps may actually have adapted more to their environment as a result of natural selection. It underlines that evolution is not a matter of progress towards a goal, and that it is incorrect to assume that more intelligent species are 'more evolved'." Hmmmm. Very interesting. I'm not a Geneticist (I could have been one if it weren't for all those Biology classes) but I think I would like to read the study before saying these researchers are a bunch of monkeys. You can read the article here.

To Infinity and Beyond

Thought:All "Loners" should be identified and sent to psychiatrists to determine if they are a threat to themselves or others. That would include all individuals who play Dungeons and Dragons and don't interact with 'real' people very well.

In other thoughts:What other crisis could pop up in Jack Bauer's already stressful day?

Politics Test...I Am Aghast!

You are a Social Liberal (61% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (33% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Sometimes I'm a...

(_E=mc2_) but mainly I'm just a (_zzz_).

I may have to start using assicons in my emails to coworkers regularly.

These Were The Best Part Three

These Were The Best Part Two

These Were The Best Part One

Multimedia message

De plane, de plane!

Ugh!

I want a toothbrush that will last at least a month. Or even two months would be ideal. I think toothbrushes are manufactured to be replaced every month. Give me a break. Oh, and I've decided that there is something terribly wrong with American Idol and refuse to watch it now.

I Won!

Got this in my inbox this morning and I tried it out a little while ago. I can't believe I won. I never win at anything. Playing also kept me awake. Who in their right mind schedules meetings in the morning? Here are the "rules" and some testimonials...


>1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call,
> prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5"x5" is a good
> size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down.
> That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.
>
> 2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
>
> * synergy
> * strategic fit
> * core competencies
> * best practice
> * bottom line
> * revisit
> * expeditious
> * to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
> * 24/7
> * out of the loop
> * benchmark
> * value-added
> * proactive
> * win-win
> * think outside the box
> * fast track
> * result-driven
> * empower (or empowerment)
> * knowledge base
> * at the end of the day
> * touch base
> * mindset
> * client focus(ed)
> * paradigm
> * game plan
> * leverage
>
> 3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those
> words/phrases.
>
> 4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally,
> stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
>
> Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:
> -- "I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I
> won."- Adam W., Atlanta
>
> -- "My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically."-
> David T., Florida
>
> -- "What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my
> first win."- Dan J., New York City
>
> -- "The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of
> us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G., Denver
>
> -- "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!'
> for the third time in two hours." - Karen D., Los Angeles

What Did They Use?

I was reading an interesting entry in Wikipedia about toilet paper. Why, you ask? I'm not exactly sure anymore but I was originally looking up something else and the clicking of different links eventually took me here. Very interesting reading indeed. I had an idea but was surprised to read about the different alternatives people used before toilet paper was invented. Ouch! But it also got me thinking about my childhood and seeing a different color roll of toilet paper in the bathroom every week. Different pastel colors if my memory is correct. You know, I don't recall seeing colored toilet paper at the stores these days. Did they go the way of the Dixie Cup? Maybe it's just that I'm not paying attention or not looking hard enough. Anyway, the question of the day is: Are you a folder, scruncher, or wrapper? Don't bother letting me know. It's just a question that I have no desire to know the answer to.