Do You Dare?

The Death Clock

Oops, Sorry About That

Which would you prefer being hit on the head with?

1. A basketball thrown into the stands by a frustrated player
2. An errant slap shot hockey puck
3. A line drive down the first or third baseline

I would prefer option number one. Of course that is the only one that couldn't be considered an accident but probably won't kill you, either. Hey, Mr. Frustrated Basketball Player, you'll be hearing from my attorney.

Sex Pistols Flip Off Rock Hall

You tell 'em Johnny!

Sex Pistols Flip Off Rock Hall - Feb 24, 2006 - E! Online News

Deception

My daughter attends a private school and yesterday she showed me a personalized invitation that had the local Art In the Park logo which stated a gift awaited her at the information center and she could claim it at 2 PM if we attended. All the kids at school received this and since I thought it was like a school fund raising event at the park I told her we could go.

So the family piles into the SUV this afternoon and head off. I am waiting at a stop light and look at the invitation because there is a small map printed on it showing the location of the park. That's when I read that this "event" is sponsored by a large home building company. That did not raise the red flag but the following sentence did. It said the "event" was in a private residential community. I thought maybe this could still turn out ok because some of the parks in these communities are large, but I rather doubted that.

When we arrive at the gated community, I notice that it is not completed yet. A lot of cars in front of the Information Center, balloons, kids, and parents. I shook my head in disbelief and told my wife we are going to have to listen to some damned presentation on this new residential community and was a little irritated at myself for not reading the invitation more carefully yesterday. So we spent the next half hour looking at the model homes (they weren't too bad) and then my wife filled out a contact card. My daughter received her gift as we were leaving. A white t-shirt with the home builders logo and "Kid's Club" printed on it.

Shame on the school for playing marketer for a home builder and shame on me for not reading the invitation more thoroughly.

Bank Robbers

I have been reading and hearing about many bank robberies lately. Not just in my area but in other states as well. The article or news piece almost always included a still picture taken from the bank's video system. In all the photos I have seen, it seemed the robbers did not really take much time or effort to disguise their identities. Come on, in my book dark sunglasses and a fedora does not count as a disguise. Were these guys just "spur of the moment" bank robbers, passing by the bank and decided that they needed a little extra spending money? I think not, which leads me to believe that they were just plain dumb crooks. I think robbing banks would require about the same amount of planning as say a long weekend road trip. Sunglasses...check. Fedora...check. Hockey mask...nah, too bulky.

Hardbacks

I went into Barnes and Noble last night looking for a book which came out a few months ago. They did not have it in stock so I decided to order it online. But what I realized last night is that the store did not stock many hardbacks. I'm not a big fan of paperbacks, and besides, hardbacks look better on your bookshelf. Of course the 'New Releases' were in hardback and I think the New York Times' top ten were too, but the majority of books in fiction were paperbacks. I don't recall what the time schedule is before a book is released in mass paperback editions but my complaint is that the pickings were slim in the store. 'Nuff said.

Chili Dog Diet Part 2

The Wienerschnitzel Chili Dog Diet IS NOT a real diet!

You will not be eating healthy nor will you lose weight if you eat a chili dog and chili cheese fries everyday.

Damn that fine print.

Intolerance

I came across a news story that introduced me to anti-gay Pastor Fred Phelps and his efforts to protest homosexuality and became a little irritated. Phelps and his *church* believes that American deaths in Iraq are divine punishment for a country that he says harbors homosexuals. They have been going to military funerals and holding anti-gay protests there. His followers carry signs thanking God for IEDs, the weapon of choice of the radicals in Iraq, which have killed and maimed scores of soldiers.

Whether or not the conflict in Iraq is justified, the soldiers there are only fulfilling their duty and oath to our country. Whether homosexuality is right or wrong, I think Phelps’ belief that the U.S. embraces them is flawed. A soldier that is killed in Iraq defending the principles of freedom that Phelps and his followers have does not deserve to have these idiots protesting at his or her funeral. The soldier and their loved ones deserve much better than that.

If you care to visit Reverend Phelps’ and the Westboro Baptist Church’s website and see just how far their intolerance and hate have grown, click here. And I thought I disliked Pat Robertson!

God Bless America and all the brave men and women who serve in this great country’s military.

Alternatives

"Our nation is on the threshold of new energy technology that I think will startle the American people," Bush said. "We're on the edge of some amazing breakthroughs — breakthroughs all aimed at enhancing our national security and our economic security and the quality of life of the folks who live here in the United States."

So said President Bush while visiting Johnson Controls' new hybrid battery lab in Milwaukee. I have been waiting to be startled and amazed by the government for a long time. I'm imagining flying cars, stealth cars, teleporters, food replicators, etc. It has to be salvaged alien technology from Area 51. No doubt about it. Make it so.

Cell : A Novel

Finished reading Stephen King's latest book this afternoon. It was gory but lacking a bit in the sense of depth or story. Reminded me a bit of The Stand. Maybe a lot, on second thought. It was entertaining to read but I wouldn't say it is King at his best. Maybe Lisey's Story, due out in October, will be better but I've already heard a couple of comparisons of it to Bag of Bones. That could be good because the latter really creeped me out and I had trouble sleeping on a few occasions. And I still have not opened a package of magnetic letters of the alphabet to put on my fridge.

Mailman

I don't understand why the mailman delivers the mail so late on Saturdays. It's 3:45 PM and no sign of him yet. What is different about Saturday? Maybe he gets to come in late or something. And it's strange to me that he is not in uniform on Saturdays, either. Another thing that bothers me is if he has a package for me he does not knock on my door. I have had a couple of opportunities over the years to verify this. He just puts a delivery notification in my mailbox and I have to go to the post office to pick it up. Irritating!

Hidden Tax?

I just heard something that is a little irritating so I’m going to complain for a few minutes here. Someone told me that a friend of their mother’s cousin’s brother told them that the recent .02 cent increase in postal rates has nothing to do with rising operational costs. I googled this and found some interesting things that I was not aware of (guess I need to be more aware of just how unaware I really am!). In a nutshell:

1. The Postal Service ended F2005 with a $1.4 billion surplus AND debt free (compared to the $11 billion debt a few years ago)
2. The millions of dollars raised through this increase goes to the U.S. Treasury because
3. Congress passed a law in 2003 requiring the Postal Service to create a $3 billion escrow account and the use of these funds to be determined later by Congress (without this new law rates would not have increased last month)
4. The Postal Service is now responsible for paying military pensions for former armed services personnel who either work for or are retired from the Postal Service
5. If the current system does not change then we can expect more rate increases in shorter periods to fund the escrow account and military benefits

And I thought it was just another cost of living increase or because of income shortfalls of the Postal Service due to the plethora of alternative means of mailing something.

All The Right Reasons

Nickelback rocks!

Answer : Not Plotting Against Hamas

Question : What the U.S. will say if anyone thought that there was a secret agenda between them and Israel about how to destabilize the militant group's governing of Palestine.

Well, duh. Like the U.S. is really going to admit to such a thing. What about those secret C.I.A. prison camps, *illegal* wiretaps, and Area 51? I don't know but Scott McClellan is the voice of the White House and he says there is no plot so it must be true, right? Right?

The new Palestinian government might be better off if they don't publish their meeting times or they might personally experience what a Hellfire missile launched from a C.I.A. controlled Predator UAV can do.

The History of Valentine's Day

You don't have to wait for Valentine's Day to send flowers or candy to your sweetie. Those are good things on any day of the year.

The History Channel - The History of Valentine's Day

Visit to the Dentist

I went to the dentist this morning for my biannual cleaning and checkup. A new duty of the hygienist is to take your blood pressure for who knows what reason before treatment. She had a small, electronic unit that attaches to your wrist and takes the reading. So the hygienist asks me if my watch is difficult to remove. I guess she wanted to take the reading on my left wrist, instead of the right one, which didn’t have anything around it. I told her that the strap had a combination lock on it and that I had forgotten the combination, but the real problem was that the watch was super glued to my wrist.

Well, I didn’t really say that because she looked like someone who didn’t have a sense of humor and in a few minutes she would be poking around my mouth with those sharp dental probes, but I wanted to. I was snickering to myself as I took the watch off and she attached the gadget and waited to see the results. 121/83 was the reading…is that good or bad? Who knows? But she started to clean my teeth so I guess I passed.

Now I wonder why she couldn’t have taken the reading on my right wrist. Maybe she was only certified to take the reading on the left. Or maybe the gadget doesn’t work on the right wrist. I should have asked after my teeth were cleaned but I had forgotten.

Forgotten because I was pondering another thought. I also needed dental x-rays taken and she had placed a heavy, lead lined vest over my chest and shoulders, but nothing to protect my head. I mean, if it is safe for your head to be zapped by x-rays then why bother with that heavy, clumsy, vest? I should have asked that question too, but I had forgotten that one as well. This time I was pondering why it hurts to chew on aluminum foil when you have fillings in your teeth.

Gunplay

Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shoots a fellow hunter? Hogwash! He probably intended to shoot the guy. He was an attorney, afterall. All kidding aside, there is just no excuse for accidents involving guns. Thank goodness Mr. Whittington was not more seriously injured, and for the Vice President's medical entourage. Situational awareness and communication are imperative when handling firearms during hunting and especially when you have a group of people hunting together. Experienced hunters or not, shame on all of them.

Unsupervised

My wife and I were at a restaurant last night and a couple with a young boy, around seven years old, sat at a table beside us. Once the couple started talking to each other, the boy disappears and is running all over the restaurant. He was doing things only a seven year old boy would appreciate like trying to catch the Japanese carp with his bare hands. At one point, he is out of sight for at least ten minutes and I don't think the couple noticed or cared. I can't stand people like that.

Later, we went to Walmart and as we were coming down one of the main aisles, we see a group of people in the middle. As we approach, I see a man on his knees beside a shopping cart speaking into a two-way radio and I can hear crying. That's when I notice the young boy (not the same one from the restaurant), around seven years old, lying on the bottom rack of the cart. One of his legs was stuck above the knee between the metal rack and the metal bottom of the cart which the wheels attach to. I assessed in my mind that the boy wasn't in any real danger and also thought that with proper supervision from the parents, he would not be in that predicament. I wonder if the parent's felt embarrassed because of their lack of discipline?

My Two Cents

Ok, the cartoons were offensive to the Muslims. That's all the radicals needed for an excuse to burn down embassies, riot, and declare death threats to innocents of the countries involved. Oh, and it gave them yet another reason why all Americans should die. Were the cartoons meant to offend the Muslims? I don't know, but I like to think that wasn't the primary reason for printing them. Granted they have deeply seated feelings and faith for their religion, but doesn't their faith have anything to say about peace or forgiveness or tolerance? It seems like they are always resorting to violence and saber rattling whenever they feel wronged. "God willing, death to the infidels! Off with their heads, God willing! God willing, our blood will sanctify this war with the unbelievers!"

Imagine what the world could be like if all that anger and violent behavior could be used for peaceful purposes. Instead of throwing a Molotov cocktail at the Danish embassy, plant a tree or give your baby a kiss. There are better ways to voice your protests. Peaceful ways. God willing.

Confrontation

I got into a little tiff with a guy in Sam's Club the other day. I was waiting in line with my cart to checkout and there was a woman in front of me putting her stuff on the conveyor. She emptied her cart and then moved farther down to the little shelf provided for check writers and left her cart at the front of the conveyor, blocking the way for me to unload my cart. I've learned from experience at Sam's that a lot of people just forget about their cart after they have unloaded it and since the cashier had already scanned almost all of the woman's stuff, I moved the cart off to the side so I could move forward and unload mine.


That's when this older gentleman comes rushing toward me from out of nowhere saying "Hey" a couple of times and quite loudly. He grabs the cart I moved and pushes it back towards me. Just before he got there, I had already placed the plastic divider to separate their stuff from mine and had even put some stuff on the conveyor.

Ignoramus: What are you doing? Why are you moving my cart?
Me: I moved it so I could unload my cart.
Ignoramus: Can't you see we're not done? (He points out a case of Pepsi at the front of the bottom rack of the cart, which I couldn't see because of the way the cart is made)
Me: Sorry, I didn't see it. Why did your wife move forward to write a check when she still had something in the cart? And why were you goofing off when you could have been helping her?
Ignoramus: I just don't understand why you're moving our cart.

At this point he places the case of Pepsi onto the conveyor behind my stuff that was already on it. He then moves his cart out of the way and turns back towards me and steps into my personal zone.

Me: I moved the cart because I figured your wife was just being rude by not moving it out of the way and preventing me from unloading mine.
Ignoramus: You're the one being rude by moving my cart!

Now, the woman is nagging at the cashier because she just realized that the case of Pepsi wasn't scanned with her other stuff and she had already written out the check sans the Pepsi.

Ignoramus: Now we have to write another check.
Me: Well you shouldn't have put your Pepsi behind my stuff. Didn't you see my stuff in front of it or the plastic divider?

That's when he just walked off and waited for his wife (who is still nagging to the cashier about writing another check and it being all my fault because I moved their cart) by the exit. All this happened in a span of about five minutes and I remained calm and collected. Who knows what would have happened if the man continued to invade my personal space?

Movie Quote Quiz

I don't feel like complaining today so here is a little quiz of movie quotes. Try to guess the movie and you get bonus points if you can also name the character that said it.

1. I'll be back.
2. You need a bigger boat.
3. Life moves pretty fast; if you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.
4. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few...or the one.
5. I've got a trig midterm tomorrow and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.
6. Klaatu Barata Nikto
7. Twisted by the Dark Side, young Skywalker has become.
8. Once again my life has been saved by the miracle of lasagna.
9. Fluff and fold, my friend, fluff and fold.
10. Redrum, redrum.

Tuesday Night Television

Simon, Simon, Simon. Sometimes I wonder if your tough guy attitude is just a front to hide a dark secret. I’m not going to say that you are homophobic but you seem to be venting a lot of frustration towards males who may or may not have alternative lifestyles. But then again, maybe you just like bullying people around. Both male and female.

Dr. Gregory, Dr. Gregory, Dr. Gregory. I’m really surprised that you haven’t been smacked around or knocked out on a daily basis. Or maybe even being poisoned by an intern holding a grudge. Sure, you are an intelligent, overbearing, and rude doctor with no bedside manners, but you need to chill out a little. Hold on a second…House isn’t a reality show? Damn!

Unscheduled Downtime

I've been frustrated with Blogger this past weekend. Couldn't connect to Blogger blogs or even post to my own blog. Sometimes I could connect (with errors) but most of the time it was the dreaded Website Not Found message. At least I didn't have anything important to do except click the refresh button on my browser. Hopefully the engineers can fix what they need to fix and upgrade what needs to be upgraded to keep the downtime at a minimum. I know, I'm always complaining about something. But I like complaining so leave me alone.

Super Bowl XL

The game was much better during the second half. I was hoping that the Seattle Sea Hawks would pull it off but the referees were against them and the Pittsburg Steelers had a couple of lucky plays. The half time show was alright even if Mick didn't have a wardrobe malfunction. But I guess the world was lucky in that sense since I kept thinking about zombies and Night of the Living Dead during the Stones' performance. For me, the best part of the broadcast were the commercials. My favorite for touchy-feely, pull at the heart strings, was the Budweiser commercial where the young horse is pulling the wagon with the adults pushing it from behind; and my favorite for pure, tickle the funny bone, laugh out loud, looked like a Fabio commercial but had a twist at the end. Not a memorable Super Bowl for commercials, though. Maybe next year will have a better game and commercials.

Snapper: White Fish in the Deep Blue Sea

Yet another nice picture from Okadavinci.

Snapper: White Fish in the Deep Blue Sea

Homer's Hell (or Heaven)

McFarlane Toys has come up with an "Ironic Punishment" line of action figures. This one featuring Homer Simpson being force fed donuts should be available in April 2006. This could be yours for around $25.00. Mmmmm, donuts. Too funny.

I'm Going to Hollywood, Baby!!

I could be on American Idol. I think I sound great, especially when I'm singing in the shower. Everyone I know says I can sing, too. Well, maybe only a couple of people, like my daughter and therapist. But I just know I could make it to Hollywood. I have a lot of heart, attitude, dreams, and the sheer desire to succeed. Plus, I can dance. I'm a moonwalking fool that can out-zombie M.J. any day. I know Simon would be enchanted by my singing abilities and would be shaking his head in disbelief. He might even have to walk out of the room to collect himself, I'm so good. But I think I don't meet their age requirement, dammit. Maybe I could fib a little and say I'm only twenty years old. It wouldn't be the first time someone has done that. Oh well, no big deal. There's always Jeopardy.

Haircut

Took Baby for her second haircut last night. The first time was uneventful, I think, because she sat in Mom’s lap, happy as a clam. This time it was a little more exciting because she got to sit in a booster seat all by herself. Although my wife and I were standing beside her the whole time, she was not a happy little girl. She screamed the entire time and kept doing her arching backward routine which caused her to continuously slide out of the booster seat. The gal cutting Baby’s hair didn’t seem to mind, but I was getting nervous with the scissors being in such close proximity to a bobbing and shaking head. Thank goodness there was no need to call 911. A short time later, the haircut was done, and Baby got to wander around the mall with Mom holding her hand, while I got my haircut.